Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
