I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
