Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
