Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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