Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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