dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I need a beard to bite.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
