just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Randomize
