dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
