I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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