Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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