i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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