JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
