Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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