cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i think my cat just said my name.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
