we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
