i don't like sucking hair
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
