if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize