I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
