thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
