Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
