You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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