One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
