brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
