When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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