After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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