the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
