I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
