It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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