I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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