i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
