Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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