i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
