my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
