He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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