i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
