the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
