is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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