I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
