p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize