Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
