First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
