I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
