I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
