your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
