chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
