in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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