yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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