oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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