thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
