NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize