I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
