i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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