His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I believe in your delicious
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
