I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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