i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
