Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
