It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
