he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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