this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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