Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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