No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
