Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
