That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
