her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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