I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
