ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ladies don't puke and tell
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
