no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
