if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
