standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
