i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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