she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
