that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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