I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize