hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
