she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
