3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
