My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
