Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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