her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
not ubering you a puppy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
dude. I can hear the air.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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