Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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