Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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