Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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