I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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