it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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