How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
