just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
