So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
