I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize