if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
