one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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