I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
