Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
