I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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