is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
