i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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