If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
