ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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