Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
